The only thing better than doing stand-up is telling people you do stand-up.
In fact, I do one more than the other. People are addicted to asking if I’m gonna write a set about them. Honestly, I hope so–because that means I finally wrote a set.
Writing jokes is so fucking hard. Especially now that I have moved to a new city (Chillwaukee!) and have to make friends in a scene I’m entirely unfamiliar with and rather unskilled at navigating. You'd think it would be easier because, like, I already have to make a crowd of strangers laugh every day or I feel like a failure loser. What difference does adding a microphone do?
Can you tell I have anxiety?
Not to be the brave and totally popular cool girl but anxiety is a new thing for me.
Like, I’ve always had social anxiety because I’m a chubby kid with access to mirrors and my peers, but I’ve never had the tight chest / swarming thoughts / and freakouts about non-events as small as leaving my house before.
It’s like my broken brain wants me to hole up in a dark room for the rest of my life (which...not a totally bad deal to be stuck with. Well, if I have access to the internet and books at least. It's also not the kind of hole I want to be!).
I thought everyone on Twitter was just being annoying about #mentalhealth, but I’m feeling veryyy Wendy Williams about this whole thing (“Shout out to people with social anxiety. I kinda feel sorry for you”). It is actually very not helpful or even possible to just rub dirt on it and get on with our days. I used to grit my teeth so much that I have to wear a night guard so I don’t chip them.
This morning I had to listen to a 15-minute SOS anxiety meditation so I could calm down enough to go to work. And that’s with the not so gentle push of Lexapro AND Wellbutrin. Plus I genuinely like my job (would love it more if I got a raise!!)
This shit is so humiliating.
Right now I think my main coping mechanism is "back to basics." I have to set timers to remind myself to eat every three hours. I have a checklist of everything I need to do that day in order to stay a person. I’m also trying to figure out what is at the core of who I really am. Which of course, the essence of one's soul is made up of quantitative data that can be uncovered through a survey created by academics at the University of Pennsylvania.
Basically, the theory is that everyone has strengths (allegedly), and our true happiness comes from the realization slash actualization of them (like google the definitions of those words if you don’t know them already).
According to this survey, the seven strengths that EYE need to lean into and allow room for in order to achieve “authentic happiness” are humor/playfulness, appreciation of beauty, kindness/generosity, creativity/ingenuity/originality, love of learning, social intelligence, and curiosity/interest in the world.
If you read those all the way through you might have reached the same conclusion I did…
I have to be a comedian if I’m ever going to be happy.
So, this is my written promise to commit to comedy. I’m going to a stand-up open mic tonight. I don’t really have a set written but I want to make some friends and maybe try some jokes out. A Hinge date called me a comedian philosopher.
So, I say to you, isn’t the point of being alive fucking around and finding out?
i read this post yesterday and keep thinking about it. i feel very much in the same place with back to the basics...i like ur coping skills!! also the line "Like, I’ve always had social anxiety because I’m a chubby kid with access to mirrors and my peers" made me laugh rly hard. miss u critchie
More jokes from Miss Critchie!!