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unadulterated loathing

Writer's picture: sarah critchfieldsarah critchfield

Thotz


Well, hey there besties. I am writing this in a rather melancholic state of mind. Should I blame the weather? I went for an hour-long walk by the river today and our cheeky little sun showed through the clouds so I should feel euphoric right?


Something about today is just…off. I’ve been on my phone for four hours today and I can’t remember a lick of anything that I consumed. My TikTok For You Page is completely uninspired and I bought a ripe mango Posh on Thursday (#skinny). Maybe the nicotine is stressing me out? It’s honestly a medical mystery.


I spammed Elyse’s inbox with rants about how ugly and unhealthy I am (nothing is more devastating than seeing ‘below average’ in the Apple Health app). It’s pretty iconic that I find a way to fit these venting sessions into my calendar when I claim to never have enough time to buy groceries or partake in any resembling a workout. She replied with the typical (aka responsible and correct) love yourself mess that my brain brilliantly rewrites to mean “You’re ugly and no one will love you or find you interesting.”


Because being desirable is literally the biggest issue right now right?


Last night Molly Healy and I participated in Milwaukee’s adult spelling bee. We crossed our clits hoping that we'd wind up on the homepage of OnMilwaukee’s website for being the contestants with the most elegant elimination (the word that Tonya Harding’d me was masticate–famously NAWT masturbate). We did not achieve this title, but we were distinguished as an unforgettable image.



Not much else has happened this week. Anna Edwards and I had a night that most would call a comedy of errors. I wiped out on her front steps and bruised my sternum (I mean what's the point of having heaving naturals if they don't offer any medically beneficial cushioning), we missed the bus and had to chug a beer at the Roman Coin, and continued the night by ruining the pristinely curated queue with "Love Shack" by the B-52s.


Does anyone know what the heck to eat for lunch and dinner these days?


I’m a vegetarian so I usually wind up eating noodles or toasted ravioli. I’m not suffering any marinara deficiencies that’s for sure. Maybe I could stand to include a vegetable or two. Cooking sucks so bad though. I need a kitchen island and maybe a partner that likes to cook and grocery shop. That would be awesome for me personally.


Readz


So, I am constantly playing a game of cat and mouse with social media nowadays. I have screen time limits where I get 10 minutes of Instagram, 10 minutes of TikTok, and 10 minutes of Twitter every day. Then, when I’m not rotting my brain with influencers and BookTok, I’m a huge fan of the app Serial. It turns ePubs of books into serialized chunks so you can read 11 minutes of a book every day. I have four books on the Serial app and am only falling behind a little.


The four books I have on Serial are:


I found this book in a Cosmo UK article about screen time. It already has a bunch of cool quotes that are inspiring me to log off and tune IN to my inner guide (roll your eyes if you haven’t already). My main goal(s) for 2022 is (are) to increase my capacity for intimacy and stop seeking outer approval.


This book is about how to incorporate abolition into the education system and classroom. I’m only 14% of the way into the book but already it is so eye-opening and extremely fascinating. I feel like I learn a new thing about the education system every day.


This book is about the dissolution of close female friendship and how that is a painful wound that is rarely discussed or given space. This book is affirming, reflective, and a pretty easy read overall. Definitely going to need to journal a lot more on the subject of friendship.


This is a book that I plan to start reading this week. I want to wake up at 5 am (the school I work at starts classes at 7:20 am) and I have gotten in the wretched habit of waking up at 7 am more days than not. I want to slow my mornings down and actually enjoy them. Unfortunately that most likely means that I will have to say goodbye to my late nights and dicking around. A tragic loss for all involved.


The two books I finished this week are 100 Boyfriends by Brontez Purnell and The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides. 100 Boyfriends is a fictional short story collection about gay men and their lives. It is gut-wrenching at points and perverted at others. I read it while doing the TikTok 12-3-30 workout on the treadmill and kept lowering my screen brightness so the gym rats wouldn’t read the smut over my shoulder. The Silent Patient is an addictive thriller best enjoyed as an audiobook. I finished it in one day and was genuinely surprised by the twist ending.


Books that I plan to talk about next week are The Maidens by Alex Michaelides, Heavy by Kiese Laymon, The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, and The Lonely City by Olivia Laing. My tote bag is overflowing with things to read and I’ve been slacking on articles. Sorry about that loves. I hope to read Kennedy Morganfield’s recommended articles that she posted on Twitter but that’s all I have for now.


Mediaz


Okay, no spoilers but I am hoping to watch Euphoria’s season finale tonight or tomorrow. I’ve already seen some ish on Twitter but I don’t really care because I called those plot points week one anyway.


Also, I can't get enough of Abbott Elementary. It's so funny and I am obsessed with Zach Fox playing…himself??


Memez




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