Are you ready for an absolutely unique and original take on growth?
Believe it or not, I am a proud member of team, “I think people can change.”
**Cue the scene from Bridesmaids where Perfect Helen and Kristen Wiig’s characters bicker about whether or not people stay the same**
This time last week I was regretting every decision I’d ever made. The voice in my head was screaming, “you’re a bad writer, you’re not funny, you’re annoying, everybody hates you, you’re not doing any good in the world, and you’re just another waste of time and energy” (and be sure to say it with the same cadence that Dr. Phil does in all of those TikToks).
But now, I have a lounge chair in a backyard that I can lay in and watch squirrels eat crab apples and it doesn’t even matter that I haven’t written a stand-up set since June. Rose and I spent Saturday afternoon drinking our little drinks (caramel iced coffee for me and a warm chai tea for her) and talking about ourselves.
Have you watched the breakout HBO hit White Lotus? I like to think that Rose and I looked and sounded a little like Sydney Sweeney and Brittany O’Grady with comically socialist books perched atop our community-oriented breasts. Rose, if you’re reading this let me know what you think of this tagline for us: “We’re not the girls from Red Scare but we became friends at an Ohio college whose student section was called Red Scare.” Obviously, it needs workshopping to obtain maximal brevity and flow but, the connections between the two are undeniable and hilarious.
Anyway!
Back to Rose and I talking about ourselves (really could be any time of day).
And, once again, I am absolutely claiming to have been the first person to think these thoughts and will be filing a complaint against Brene Brown for copying my fourth-grade paper (yes, this is a play on the iconic quote from Legally Blonde where Elle meets nerds on the quad for orientation–is it fun for you guys when I explain my jokes?).
We reached the conclusion that it is extremely important and essential to allow ourselves grace, love, and rest. We want to provide each other and our surrounding friends and neighbors (well, maybe not the men we met that played guitar on their porch and didn’t know any Dolly Parton songs) with a community of abundance and care. Our brains have become so mush that everything is a competition to deserve or be worthy of the most when...we can literally all be happy and cared for?
There’s not a scarcity of love and love does nawt have to be earned. I don’t think the state would approve of me calling myself a psychologist and no one would identify me as a brilliant brain (I literally think most of my thoughts are inspired by Infographics) so don’t try to “get me” with questions about abuse or harm because I don’t have concrete digestible answers for that.
I’m still learning about navigating conflict in ways that are true to what I value and that includes making space for big feelings and honesty (which is really freaking hard because sometimes I want to tell people they’re fugly and mean because I feel insecure around them).
These are my half-baked ideas of love and growth right now. I want to figure out how to grow without trying to optimize. Does that make sense? I don’t want to be a better friend and neighbor just for the capitalistic rewards of doing so. I want to make those interpersonal and spiritual adjustments so I can be in better relationship with everyone and everything in my surroundings. Maybe I should go hug a tree.
If y’all have any recommended reading, podcasts, or videos PLEEEEASE send them my way. I’ll sign off as a supervisor for your service hours if that’s still a thing people have to complete (we’re all still seniors in high school right?).
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