I retweeted a tweet by @bobby that said “it's cool when you don't have to work for a few days in a row and you start to feel like a human again and then sunday night hits and you go oh yeah. I Am But A Cog In The Great Machine.” That’s kind of how I feel right now.
Many people are saying that my peers and I are experiencing our early twenties late-stage capitalism freak out.
Am I disillusioned by the idea of owning a house?
I don’t know if I’m disillusioned but I am delusional.
For example, the only reality where I own a home is if I win the HGTV greenhouse (is that sweepstake still a thing? If not I need to adjust my dreams accordingly). I’d decorate that baby with every cheugy thing I saved to my boards on Pinterest in 2012 (remember those rooms that had slides from the second floor to the first-floor living room? I want that.).
I’m for sure disillusioned by marriage. I’ve been red-pilled by Little Women and my lack of marketable desirability (this is when I pontificate about how I’m hot in a really nuanced non-commodifiable way that communicates an aloof learnedness and you shake your head and say that you vehemently disagree and believe that I would make an excellent trophy wife and mommy blogger….).
I genuinely think marriage is just a financial agreement and I would only agree to it if I fall upon hard times or start dating someone with health insurance.
***If you’re considering a marriage proposal to me PLEASE ignore everything I’ve said–as long as you are comfortable with investing in a young ingenue***
Now you may be wondering why this blog post is entitled “Is This It??????”
I am too TBH.
I’m asking “is this it” because I’m fully in my adulthood era (I’m hoping and praying that this isn’t how the rest of life is).
Like, I’m in the era but I’m not even going through the motions of performing adulthood. I forget to wash my dishes, leave laundry on my bed for days, and don't have a single business casual outfit. I can’t imagine anything more boring than a ROUTINE??? I’m also depressed and anxious so everything that isn’t performing stand-up and laying in my bed is boring.
Do we really have to have careers?
I want to be an agent of chaos. Is there any way to do this without forcing Andy Cohen to hire me as his henchman? I don’t think I’d do well on TV but I’d crush it in a writers room.
People should be able to run around and laugh and gossip without worrying about paid time off. It’s the least this world could do!
My god, it’s maddening.
Drake said I need to figure out how to manage my expectations of others and Tom said that not everyone wants to be fun all the time. I think they’re both freaks and liars.
I’m mostly pissed that I have to pack a lunch AND make dinner. I mean, what the fuck! That’s literally two of the worst meals of the day and I have to do it EVERY DAY???? That is not a lifestyle choice I would make if I didn’t have to.
One of my students told me I have to stop bringing peanut butter sandwiches to school because they’re “boring” and I need to eat a “vegetable.” She said that salad doesn’t count as a vegetable so I let a six-year-old write my grocery list for me and bought baby carrots.
I know that this isn’t all that life has to offer and that doomerism is unimaginary but I’m ending a cycle of treating my life as transitory. I treat every minute as a precursor to the next. I’ve needed to construct things to aspire toward so that the right now can have a reason to matter (can you tell I had a Tumblr?).
Maybe each minute matters without reason and that’s kind of the point.
Comments