Now hold on.
Yes, this is clickbait.
Yes, I am trying to trick you into thinking about a movie from...2012? I’m literally writing this on a laptop and I don’t care enough to Google this to “fact” “check.”
I’m relying on a vague memory in the Gone Girl movie where Amy Dunne is picking post-it notes off a calendar and it has 2012 on it (100000% Amy Dunne would be TikTok famous if she was a real person and happened right now–did anyone even consider that Amy is neurodivergent and maybe a minor?) (Drake said that Amy is definitely queer coded (villain)).
Okay, in order to find that image I learned that the movie is in fact from 2014. Where’s my journalism degree?
Let’s get back to the title of this blog post.
Literally, what did Amy Dunne do wrong?
Obviously, I’m joking and realize that she staged her kidnapping/murder and planned a suicide that would result in Ben Affleck getting the death penalty, and then when that girl bossery flopped she killed Neil Patrick Harris mid-coitus.
I will be brave and admit that I did almost barf all over my roommate’s emerald green couch when we watched what a box-cutter could do. Did they have to use that much blood? It gushed more than that first period post-IUD.
Yes, it is the year 2021 and I am coming to you after watching Gone Girl for the first time. Let me explain...
Claire Kelly, Claire McHugh, Bridget Kamper, and I are all super fans of the illustrious podcast Keeping Records. Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein are our midwestern ministers of mayhem. They bring their besties onto the pod and ask them what they would put on their own edition of NASA’s golden records (if you don’t know what those are...look it up bestie! And you don’t need to remind me that I started this post with a lazy hesitancy to Google something).
Keeping Records has an episode with Sam Irby that will have your sides splitting. And I relistened to it yesterday during my sunset bike ride (yes, I live by a lake now and ride in a bike with a basket but that’s a whole other blog post).
In this particular episode, Sam Irby says that she would put Gone Girl on her golden records. Sam Irby saying, “Go on girl! Get gone! Get gone girl!” will be tattooed on my body at some point.
I’d like to think that Shelby, Sam, and Caleb agree with me that Amy Dunne did the right thing. But then I remember that Shelby succinctly reminded us that, “Ultimately he didn’t do anything psychotic...and she...in a big way...did.”
Can we fault a girlie who suffers from main character syndrome? She was tired of being a backdrop in Missouri and rewrote the narrative! She’s Amazing Amy! I’m telling you, Amy Dunne would absolutely blow UP on TikTok. I know for a FACT that a lot of St. Louis people would like to say the same...
To be honest, sometimes I want to get gone girl too. And I’m not even married to Ben Affleck!
I think Amy’s not like other girls because most girls would just get fast food and go for a drive, and Amy decided to drain blood from her arm and frame her husband for murder in a state with the death penalty.
Was that pick-me cool girl of her? Or was she just shattering another glass ceiling (or, in her case...another glass coffee table)?
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