unpopped: chapter three

Sun spills into my room and I can’t stop smiling. Last night may have ended weirdly but it was magic. I revisit everything Delilah said and wonder if I should’ve spent the night. My phone buzzes.

Howdy! Do you think you could get a Frida post to me by midnight tonight? Exec is super excited to have u on staff.

Does this count as a good morning text? Not really, right?

I throw a sweatshirt over my PJs and trudge into the kitchen. Should I make eggs? I am so hungry. Did I have dinner before going to Delilah’s? I don’t think so. Do we even have eggs? What did Delilah say about Lydia again? Maybe I should ask Lydia if she knows her. It was definitely weird that Delilah immediately switched the topic right?

Cooper and Lydia are laughing on the couch. I guess he spent the night.

“Hey there--where’d you go last night? You weren’t here when we got home.” Lydia asks with a smirk, “Were you doing some fieldwork for your Frida Nipple column? Do anything you’d write about?”

“Oh my god shut up.” I roll my eyes and pour some coffee into a mug, “I’ll have you know I actually was doing something for Triple X. The president had me come over and work on posters with her.”

Lydia widens her mouth, “Oh my god you’re blushing! You guys totally hooked up!”

Cooper’s phone starts buzzing. Lydia tries to contain her gleeful squeals. Since when has she been interested in my sex life?

“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem at all. I can try and be there in like thirty.” Cooper hangs up and looks at Lydia, “Could you possibly drive me to work? They’re short-staffed and need another server to come in.”

Lydia nods and then winks at me, “You’re going to have to tell me everything about Madame President when I get back. I can pick up groceries while I’m out so just text me what you want from the store.”

I roll my eyes and text Delilah back.

Can you come over and help me work on it?

***

“Wow you’re place is pretty sick.” Delilah walks around my tiny kitchen and living room. Neither room is decorated in an extraordinary way but they’re suddenly transformed just from Delilah existing within them. From now on I’ll always think about how soft Delilah’s skin looks in the glow of the midmorning sun spilling in through our kitchen window or about how her cherry red tank top matches the packaging on Lydia’s favorite chips.

“Thanks! Lydia and I try our best.”

Delilah seems uncomfortable for only a moment and responds, “Shall we begin working on your first post?”

I nod and point to the kitchen table, “Do you want anything to drink or eat? Lydia’s going to the store so we don’t have a lot.”

“Some water would be great.” Delilah presses her finger to her lips, “Do you know what you want to write about?”

“This is so embarrassing but I was thinking about writing about crushes? Is that too lame for Frida Nipple?” I bite my lip until I can taste blood. Delilah definitely thinks I’m a loser. Could I ask Lydia and Cooper if they’d do an interview about being friends with benefits?

“Oh my god no that’s amazing. That’s so fucking cute. Crushes are perfect for Frida! Okay how about for the next ten minutes we brainstorm what we would define a crush as and then regroup?” Delilah pulls her Macbook out and immediately starts typing away.

I look at my blank Google Doc. What is a crush? Is it when your stomach gets slushy around someone? My stomach swirls around Delilah but is that just because she scares me? There’s something magic about how little you usually know about your crushes. Crushes give me a chance to access parts of myself I like about others. There’s so much unknowing at the beginning of a new crush. They’re all joy without reason. Crushes exist as a fantasy. Potential.

Delilah’s timer goes off and I hope she can’t tell that everything I’ve just written applies to and is defined by her.

“Do you mind if I go first? I haven’t had a crush in a while so mine might sound a little childish.” Delilah asks and I try to not feel sad about her not having a crush in a while. Does that mean she doesn’t like me?

My voice cracks but I tell her that it’s totally cool if she goes first.

“Okay, so when I think about a crush I think about imagination. It’s an expectation you can create. Crushes are like avatars you construct out of the people in front of you. They give you something to dream about…” I stop paying attention to what she’s saying and get distracted by her mouth. It’s curling into a knowing smirk and I can’t help but wonder who she’s had crushes on. I want Lydia to get home and tell me everything she knows about Delilah.

“So what did you write?” Delilah pulls me back into myself and I’m embarrassed that I missed the last minute of everything she just said.

“Um...I said pretty much the same thing.” I push my laptop to her side of the table and decide to spare her the tragedy of listening to my voice and let her read for herself.

Her eyes scan the screen. She’s emoting almost nothing. Does she hate it? Is she going to fire me? God will they email me a letter about Frida Nipple needing to go in a different direction? My body is buzzing and I can’t keep filling in the gaps about her. I know I just said that that’s what a crush is but this is maddening.

“That’s really beautiful Erin.” She twists her hair around her fingers.

“Do you actually think so? Is it too dorky? I haven’t had much of a love life so a lot of this is just gonna be guessing for me.” Goddammit can’t I shut the fuck up for one minute! She doesn’t care. Just take the fucking compliment. I want to smack my forehead but that’s even weirder than what I just said.

“Oh my god shut up. I love how earnest it is. Frida Nipple was so unapproachable in the past. I really love your writing style. It’s so tender.” Delilah smiles and looks back at the screen. She highlights her favorite parts and asks if I’ve ever read bell hooks.

We write about crushes for another hour and I ask Delilah if she wants to order take out for a late lunch. I’m having a hard time remembering to eat around her. She turns my stomach into knots.

She checks her phone, “Holy fuck I forgot that Triple X has an exec meeting tonight. We have to finalize some logistical shit for the Fuck Yourself Fun Fest. You’ll probably have to go to these meetings in the future if you keep this kind of content up.”

Delilah throws everything into her canvas bag and rushes out, “See you later Erin!”

It’s almost like she was never there. I wonder if I made her up.

I’m about to turn Broad City on when the apartment buzzer goes off. I hop up and press the intercom. Lydia’s voice floods in from outside, “Heyy can you help me bring in some of the groceries? I’ve got almost all of them. There's just eggs and cereal in the car still. I think I left my house key in my room.”

“Yeah! One sec.”

***

“So what did you do while I was out?” Lydia kicks her shoes off and flops onto the couch.

“Well my first Frida Nipple post is due tonight so I worked on that the whole time you were gone. Do you think you could take a look at it tonight? It’s only seven-hundred words.” I feel insecure about Lydia seeing my stuff but hope that she’s in a better mood than she has been the past few days.

“Oh my god, that’s so exciting. I would be honored to edit your post. What’s it about?”

I blush, “Crushes! And that would be so awesome. I’ll share the Google Doc with you.”

“Holy fuck that’s so cute. Also, I totally forgot but you have to tell me about last night! Is this post possibly inspired by Madame President?”

“I mean, I don’t know. I literally met her last week you know? She’s really fun to hang out with. She actually came over and helped me write the post.”

“Oh. My. God! She totally finger blasted you! Christ was it on this couch?” Lydia jokingly throws herself off the couch and I am instantly annoyed.

“Lydia dear god we didn’t hook up!”

“So who is this mystery woman? Would I know her?” Lydia lifts an eyebrow.

“Okay I don’t think she knows you but you definitely went to middle school together.”

“Oh my god so who is it!” Lydia bounces up and down on the couch.

I try to contain my excitement, “Delilah Marks!”

Lydia’s face falls, “No fucking way.”

“Wait what? Do you know her? Isn’t she so cool!”

Lydia shakes her head, “No no no. You should not--cannot be friends with her Erin. She’s a huge bitch.”

“Wait what? She told me she didn’t know you. Are you sure Delilah is who you’re thinking of?”

“Well unless there’s another Delilah Marks that went to Pine Hill and goes to Pioneer I think she’s the one I’m thinking of.” Lydia pulls at the skin on her face, “GOD she really never will go away. That’s so fucking funny she told you that she doesn’t know me. What a bitch. I can’t believe she was in my apartment. That’s so fucked.”

“Okay what are you talking about? What did she do? You only went to Pine Hill for what? Two years? What could she have done?”

“God Erin are you stupid? We only went to school together for two years because I transferred. I cannot believe she’s the president of a sex positivity club. She’s such a fake bitch.”

“Maybe she was just a bitch in middle school?”

Lydia shakes her head, “What she did to me was unforgivable.”

“What did she do to you Lyd?”

“That’s something you’ll have to ask her.”

***