Well HELLOOOOOOOO besties!!!! It's been.....ONLY THREE MONTHS??? It feels like I haven't had a single thought in maybe twenty-four (almost twenty-five) years. For those of you outside of the loop I am in my first semester of my Masters in Social Work program, started my first year teaching fifth grade, and bartend on the weekend! Of course this means I spend all of my free time zoning out, crying, and playing iPhone games until my eyes can't stay open.
I have fallen embarrassingly behind on my annual reading goal. I'm at 83/100 books right now (2 books behind schedule—three months ago I was 7 books ahead of schedule). I haven't written a blog post since AUGUST. Plus we're nearing YEAR TWO since I've done stand up in front of an actual audience. Like...who am I???
In the spirit of full transparency...I have been suffering emotionally, physically, and mentally. I believe experts call it "burn out." I'm responsible for 34 students. And quite honestly I'm nawt doing the best job at it. I'm trying to read this massive workbook called Learning for Liberation or something like that but it's teasing me right now. Every time I open the book with the hopes to learn about abolitionist practices that teachers can implement in their classroom I am struck with the most malevolent bout of fatigue I've ever faced.
Not even joking I don't think I can read anymore. I'm officially a functional illiterate.
So, my return to the blogosphere is an attempt to regain my sense of control and personality. Right now I'm a husk of a person and keep screaming at bestie Drake (every day I come home from work and ask them to hit me with a car). Definitely not in our hashtag thriving era but c'est la vie!
What to expect from my blogs in the future? All I can agree to right now is that I will do my best to post every Monday. I feel like this is a fun Sunday activity (purging my dumbass thoughts and spending too much money on a watery chai latte and looking divine in a cozy ass coffeeshop). I almost spiraled last night (if you haven't already guessed I'm on my menstrual and am extraordinarily bloated and self-loathing) and searched "life reset" on TikTok.
Obviously, this is a very healthy thing to do when you are someone who has just spent the past two weeks fighting your ED voice and losing! Nawt gonna get into the nitty gritty of that because I don't want to trigger anyone but just know that Ms. Girl has not been nourishing her two brain cells so all she has to work with is a rotting skull right now. Definitely an exceptionally productive thing to do when you're responsible for your own academics and America's youth.
Anyway...TikTok told me to journal about what my dream life looks like.
And I can promise you it does not involve or include the routines and habits I'm practicing now. So...let's return to the blog and pretend to be a content curator. If I'm not going to perform for my disordered hateful little voice I must make choices to impress an imaginary audience that expects luxe decision making.
Hopefully I'll have more creative endeavors to report to you. Should I return to the comedy scene? My novel? A podcast pursuit? Who's to say I can't return to all three! God and I haven't even touched on sex and romance. That's going to have to be a whole other post. Just know that I have been on the hunt to become a certified sex therapist. If you want to be added to my list of future clients...DM me ;)
Sending lots of love to my seasonally affected disorderees!
x Critchie
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